i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
