Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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