Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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