I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
