wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
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