Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Randomize
