Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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