And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Randomize
