A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
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