dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
As shirtless as possible
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
