Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
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