how can u be prego again
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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