I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
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Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
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Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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