She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
As shirtless as possible
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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