I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
