Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
they need to just BURY HIM!
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Randomize
