I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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