You don't have asthma, your pregnant
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
