I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
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He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
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I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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