You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
