My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
