I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
