He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
