I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
