Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
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