just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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