I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
