I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
