i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
