Dual....:-)
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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