what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
i think i scared a bird with my dick
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
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