Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
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