the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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