Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
