I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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