No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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