i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
