i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
