Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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