very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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