The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
