that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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