He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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