So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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