LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
