we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
mondays should just be called national damage control day
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
