She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
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Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
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Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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