isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
