i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
