Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
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