i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
