wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
