College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
