Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
