she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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