So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
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