Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Randomize
