I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
