The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
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Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
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Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
did you just send me my own nude
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
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