She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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