Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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