dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize