Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
