Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
meet me or not, i'm out of control
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
