I don't think brook has ever known best
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
