I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
We had sex on a dog bed..
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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