The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
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And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
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Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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