And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Randomize
