He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
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