It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
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