sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
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