i was rollin on her like bob the builder
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize