Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
