from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
We don't watch enough power rangers
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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