So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
