Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
