the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
